I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
