I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
