woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
