He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
