true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
