I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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