I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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