The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
