Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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