At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
