So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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