better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
