I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
