life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
