He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
