My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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