Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
