you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
