if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
