so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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