Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
