i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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