You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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