im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
