I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
