she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am naked and annoyed.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
