the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
