I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
