Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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