I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Vodka?
Forever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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