another moral hangover. fuck.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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