You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize