Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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