i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
