you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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