I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
