I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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