i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
