you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
