I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I want you more than these girls want KFC
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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