since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We left the knife in your bed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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