Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
