Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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