After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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