theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
