my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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