Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
