He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
