what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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