She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
