Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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