the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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