this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
