I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
