I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
