I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
