Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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