I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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