1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
