I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
