apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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