3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
