and she was petting her beer can
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
