his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
