so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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