Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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