You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
