are you so shy because you have an std?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
