just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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