walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
