I hope mine doesn't look like that
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We don't watch enough power rangers
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
