They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
