So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
