Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
