Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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