I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
