every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
