happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
