drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You pole danced in your parka.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
